


Is His Heart Still Beating?

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: 52 Weeks of Stories 2 [20]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Brother/Brother Incest, Flashbacks, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Incest, Lies, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 01:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17336192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: When Taylor finds out a secret Zac has been keeping it literally ruins everything for both of them.





	Is His Heart Still Beating?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Never leave me

Zac frowned as he sat at the grave site. Running a hand through his hair as he read the name on it several times over and he knew deep down in his bones it should have been him.

He was the one who should be in the grave, after all he was the reason everything had happened. He was the reason that Carrick was dead and Taylor was in jail.

"You promised to never leave me," Zac spoke softly as he shook his head. "And you left me Care," he sighed as he let his hand reach out to touch the gravestone.

It wasn't like he blamed Carrick for being dead because again this was all his fault but some days he did wish Carrick had fought harder to live. That somehow he'd chosen Zac and being alive over being dead if that had even been an option.

Zac wasn't sure if it had been since he'd never been dead before and he wasn't sure if he was ready to die now. Even if with dying he'd be with Carrick again and that was all he wanted was to be with Carrick again.

"I should have done everything so differently," Zac continued as a lump built in his throat. "Maybe things would have been different then. Maybe you'd still be here and we'd be together forever like we promised each other."

Shaking his head Zac did his best to swallow the lump in his throat not sure if it was best to remember all the things he and Carrick had promised each other. Taylor had taken it all away when he killed Carrick and as much as Zac hated it he got why Taylor had done it.

Zac understood crimes of passion and what Taylor had done could be classified as a crime of passion. He'd lost the man he loved thanks to Zac choosing the man he'd been cheating with.

*****

_Taylor yawned softly to himself as he exited his car once he reached the apartment he shared with Zac. It wasn't much of an apartment but it was enough for them and it was what they could afford on Taylor's paycheck at the twenty-four hour diner where he worked as well as Zac's paycheck from the video game store where he was employed at._

_Both of them taking jobs that were easy and somehow they'd been able to blend in. After all it had been years since the band ended and years since they both left Tulsa behind to run away together._

_Zac had just turned sixteen when they left and Taylor had been eighteen. Taylor some days feeling bad for what they had done as well as at times feeling like he had coerced Zac into leaving but he knew he hadn't._

_Zac had made the decision himself because he loved Taylor and he wanted to be somewhere where they could just blend in and be able to love each other freely._

_Both of them deciding that a big city was good for that. Even if it was the city of angels and the city were celebrities resided. It had still been easy to blend in since their own fame had ended after Middle of Nowhere._

_No one no longer cared about the boys who sang MMMBop. Probably because most people still were convinced it had been girls or that Taylor had been one._

_Shaking his head Taylor came out of his thoughts as he yawned again as he headed up the stairs to the apartment. His body just wanting to sleep after his shift at the diner. He'd even worked over to make extra money for Christmas this year and it was nearing three in the morning._

_His feet hurt and he was tired and he just wanted to be in bed beside Zac._

_It was that thought that made him smile as he reached the door to the apartment. Using his key he let himself in trying to be silent because the last thing he needed was to wake Zac up._

_He knew Zac had an early shift tomorrow morning and waking him now would not be good. He'd just be even more grumpy than what he normally was in the mornings and a grumpy Zac was never a good Zac._

_He was worse than Taylor but then again Taylor had coffee and Zac refused to drink it._

_Walking down the hallway Taylor tried to contain another yawn but he ended up failing at that. His mind starting a countdown of his steps as he got closer to the bedroom. He was so close to getting to sleep and cuddle with the man he loved. So fucking close._

_Reaching the bedroom Taylor opened the door and stopped in his tracks after he did so. Feeling surprised that the lights weren't off and maybe if he had been in his right mind he would have been even more surprised at the sight on the bed. Zac letting another man fuck him._

_Zac letting a man into places where only Taylor had been...and on the fucking bed he shared with Taylor._

_But for now all Taylor had time to register was surprise on the lights. Though he knew the rest would come with time._

_"Tay.." Zac muttered out as his head jerked in Taylor's direction and both men on the bed froze and as the other man faced him Taylor was sure then that everything else had just hit him because all he felt then was a surge of betrayal and jealousy._

_After all he knew the man Zac was having sex with. It was a man who had been Taylor's friend first. An ex-coworker at the diner even._

*****

"Taylor wrote you a letter," Natalie spoke the moment Zac stepped inside of the apartment he was now sharing with her. A girl he had met just four months after what Taylor had done and a girl it felt like he had known forever.

After all he had told her every sordid detail of his past including that he'd been in a relationship with his own brother. That bit had been one secret that hadn't came out in court. Though it felt like every other secret of Zac's had.

The whole world including his family now knew he was bisexual. That he went both ways and of course that revelation had made him lose the family he hadn't even seen since he was sixteen.

His mother sending him a letter once everything was done telling him not to come back to Tulsa and in the end Zac figured she talked for everyone since no one else had tried to contact him or even say differently. Tell him they were sorry or even ask if he'd heard from Taylor.

"You can throw it in the trash," Zac told Natalie as he took his scarf and jacket off. Putting both on the coat rack as he felt his stomach growl when he caught a scent of the casserole she was baking.

Natalie wasn't much of a cook but it was his birthday and she said she had wanted to make him feel special after everything he'd lost this year.

His brother, his family, the man he loved. It was like the world just kept taking and of course Natalie felt pity for him.

"You don't want to read it?" Natalie questioned him sounding almost surprised at the fact that he chose not to read Taylor's letter.

Shaking his head Zac sat down on the couch, "No," he stated matter of factly. "Why would I want to see what he has to say?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure I heard every excuse in the book from him already," he stated knowing he had heard it all.

Taylor had told him everything the night he came home from killing Carrick. Said he'd done it because of Zac and that he just wanted to make Zac hurt like he'd been hurting.

Then he had the audacity to say that once the deed had been done. Once he knew Carrick was most likely dead he regretted it, wished he had done differently.

Zac hadn't bought that bit.

"Then how about the letter from your brother Isaac?" Natalie questioned as she walked to the couch holding another letter in her hand. "It came in the mail today as well."

Going silent at Natalie's words, Zac reached out and took the envelope from her hands. Just eyeing the name on it and the writing.

She hadn't been lying, it was indeed from Isaac and it would be the first letter he'd gotten from anyone back home since his mom's cruel one.

*****

_"Were you ever going to tell me?" Taylor asked cruelly as he sat at the kitchen table with Zac. Two days had passed since he caught Zac with Carrick and in those two days the both of them had danced around the subject, neither one bringing it up and now it seemed Taylor couldn't stand the silence._

_He had to bring it up and get answers. He had to know what had been going through Zac's mind and how Zac could have hurt him like that._

_They'd been in love or at least Taylor thought they had and you didn't cheat on the person you loved._

_"I had planned too but after the holidays," Zac confessed as he did everything in his power to avoid looking at Taylor. Which only made Taylor angry because he wanted Zac to look at him. "I..I didn't want to hurt you during the holidays," he sighed sounding like he meant it._

_Taylor not sure Zac did mean it no matter how he sounded._

_It was hard to believe a word Zac said anymore after catching Zac getting fucked by another man in the bed they shared._

_"Yeah well I got hurt," Taylor retorted before taking a long sip of his coffee, not even touching his cereal. He hadn't ate a proper meal since catching Zac and Carrick._

_He was surviving on coffee and energy drinks just to survive it felt like._

_"I'm sorry," Zac apologized softly as he finally looked up at Taylor. "This wasn't how I wanted you to find out Tay, you have to believe me."_

_Taylor shook his head at Zac's words, "Yeah well I don't," he told him honestly not even hiding the bitterness in his voice. He wanted Zac to hear how bitter he was. "What do you plan to do now that I know?" he questioned wondering if Zac was going to end it or keep Carrick as his side piece._

_Though Taylor was praying Zac would end it, he wasn't even sure what he'd do if Zac didn't end it._

_"What I was going to do when I told you...I mean if things had gone differently," Zac frowned and there he went breaking eye contact. "I...I'm in love with Carrick," he spoke and Taylor hated the pit that formed in his stomach. He knew or suspected where Zac's words were going. "I love you but not like I do him and it isn't fair to you if I keep you in a relationship that isn't going anywhere..."_

_"No," Taylor snapped as he stood from the chair he was sitting in. "You don't get to end things between us just because your dick makes you think you love someone else," he stated as he glared down at Zac. "Do you know what I gave up for you Zachary? I left home and ran away with you so we could be free to be together and this is how you want to repay that?"_

_"I'm sorry Tay," Zac apologized again and this time his words sounded hollow to Taylor. Nothing sounded real that Zac said to him._

_Shaking his head he just turned on his heel as he headed for the front door, grabbing his keys along the way. Not even answering Zac when he asked where he was going._

_Mainly because Taylor himself wasn't sure where he was going._

*****

Sitting on his balcony after dinner that night Zac let out a long sigh as he looked down at the letter from Isaac. He'd read it three times already but had to reread it just in case he had missed something.

Apparently Isaac was hosting Thanksgiving this year and he and his wife Nikki, a woman Zac had never met wanted Zac there. Something that Isaac had taken to a vote with the other siblings and a vote that had came out in his favor despite Zoe and Jessica objecting.

But the others had overruled them and so Isaac wanted Zac there. Something Zac hadn't expected especially not from Isaac and now he was left wondering what he should do.

If he should take Isaac up on the offer or not. He knew his mom would be there and she wouldn't want him either but maybe he could avoid her if he went.

Hearing the sliding glass door open, Zac turned as he saw Natalie coming outside.

"You still thinking about what Isaac said in that?" she asked him as she nodded towards the letter in his hand as she walked to the empty chair beside him. "Thinking about going back home for the holidays?"

Zac nodded his head as he looked at her, "Yeah but I'm not sure I want to go," he admitted softly. "I haven't been home since I was a teenager and I know despite what the letter says some people who don't want me there will be in attendance and how can I avoid them?"

"You don't," Natalie told him sounding firm. "You face them with your head held high and let them do their worst," she said in that knowing way of hers. "I think you should go though Zac. I mean you lost so much and maybe going..maybe you can get some things back even if gaining some things will never replace what you lost."

Going silent Zac chewed on his lip as he thought over Natalie's words and deep down he knew she was right but maybe somehow in the end he deserved to be alone.

Maybe he deserved everything that Taylor had stolen from him..and maybe he deserved to lose Taylor, his best friend and someone who he still loved deep down no matter what he'd done.

Even if Zac no longer wanted to hear from Taylor anymore.

*****

_Looking up from the couch when he heard the door slam shut, Zac raised an eyebrow as he watched Taylor come back inside the apartment hours later and as he caught sight of Taylor in a bloody shirt he felt everything stop for a few seconds. His mouth opened to ask what the hell happened but before he could Taylor started talking._

_"I did it," Taylor said almost sounding crazed as he started to pace their living room like he didn't even see Zac. "I did it all because of you," he muttered and okay maybe he had seen Zac. "I took a man's life Zac and it was because you made me do it."_

_"You killed someone?" Zac asked as he moved from the couch, going to where Taylor was and putting his hands on his arms to stop his pacing. "You really killed someone?" he questioned as he looked down at Taylor's shirt and he wasn't sure why it was so hard to believe._

_His shirt was soaked in blood and from the way he acted not hurt Zac knew it wasn't his blood._

_"I killed Carrick," Taylor blurted out bluntly and his words made Zac remove his hands from him. Zac feeling like just touching Taylor hurt him. "I found that gun you keep stored in the glove compartment and I drove to his house. The damn fool let me in and I didn't even give him time to talk. I just started shooting him. All I thought about was I wanted to make you hurt like I was hurting Zac."_

_Zac shook his head as he listened to Taylor, tears coming to his eyes but they refused to come out. Like Zac was numb or something._

_"I regretted it after..once I knew he was dead," Taylor sighed as he finally fell to the floor and Zac knew he should probably comfort him but he didn't want too. "It was too late then...so now the cops are going to come soon any minute now and arrest me. I called them myself," he explained so plainly but Zac knew from the way Taylor was still on the floor that he was hurting._

_That he needed comforting._

_"I just..I needed you to know what I did Zac," Taylor looked up at him and though he was talking so plain he had tears going down his cheeks. Zac wanting to laugh bitterly because at least one of them could cry right now. "I needed to tell you before you saw it on the news...I'm sorry Zac and I love you."_

_Before Zac could respond to that there was a loud pounding knock on their front door and Zac knew it was the cops. They had come to take Taylor away and it was like reality had finally kicked in. Zac's tears coming then as he fell onto the floor beside Taylor and he wasn't sure if he was crying for his brother, or himself, or for the loss of Carrick._

_Maybe it was all three._

*****

After showering that night before he went to his room to go to bed, Zac went to Natalie's room and knocked on her open door softly to get her attention because of course her nose was stuck in some trashy romance novel.

It was her late night reading material or so she always said. It helped with her non-existent sex life she claimed.

When Natalie put the book down to look at him he blushed at her gaze and the way he found her beautiful with her hair up and a pair of reading glasses on. It was the first time he'd ever thought she was truly beautiful in a non friendly way and it made him bit his lip for a few seconds.

Almost made him forget why he came to her room.

"If I go to Tulsa for the holidays will you come with me Nata?" Zac asked her as his blush grew then. "I mean..I know your family probably wants you there with them but I can't face my family alone. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that even with everything."

Natalie smiled a warm smile as she nodded her head, "Of course I'll do that Zac," she told him sounding optimistic and maybe her words and tone were enough to give Zac hope.

Revive some life into him and let him know his heart was still beating and he wasn't dead. Carrick may have been dead and Taylor in jail but that didn't mean Zac's life had to end even if he did think he deserved some pain.

"Then I'll call the cell phone number Isaac gave me in his letter. Let him know I'm coming and bringing a friend," Zac said his own voice surprising him because there was optimism in it too.

It was something that hadn't been present in his tone or his actions in so long.

It almost felt nice.


End file.
